(Every day of my life...) Got the idea to start a record book to document all my pains and everything I was eating and when and the amounts and so forth, thinking that a doctor would want to read it... in order to help him figure out my problems... So this is the way it started. But I was rather shocked to find that doctors want nothing to do with it: Doctors do not want to help people, they only want to do their job, which might or might not help a person, and they won't help a person if it gets in the way of their job.

     But I continued on with my record books and thinking that at least maybe it would help me to figure out my own problems, and over time my record books became much more.

But they were very difficult for me to use myself: Most of the time I had trouble thinking -- being too much burdened down with my problems and I was too much in the "eye of the storm" as the "storm" was raging all around me as I was trying to live my life.

     So here's my record books, almost word for word as I did it, leaving out the eating and other boring things, and of course my most private things and such, but it includes anything that was social in my life that I decided to document. And my record books became something to talk to, to tell my troubles to - since I have no other - to document what was going on in my life and what I felt. But I had only so much paper; some things had to go, and keep in mind much of the time I was in a hurry -- only so much time to get it done, and so I would skip some words -- not enough paper, and not enough time, and no time to redo things, I had to keep moving on. So if I sound like I can't think straight -- maybe I couldn't -- I have had a lot of problems, and it in no way includes all the problems I was having, it includes only the ones I documented. Further explanatory comments that I have added much later are in these --- { }  And anything in RED is not good. 

     In addition to having some very major health problems, I was having problems with almost everything and everyone, and of those, the worst one was THE MEXICANS. Now, when I say "the mexicans", I'm talking about the mexicans who came from mexico and invaded my home, and tried to take over the trailer park (in which I lived for many years) to make it their own tiny town - no non-mexicans aloud. Some of them acted like this is their land, and I'm the one who is not supposed to be there. They seemed to think that this is the land of the "free to do whatever you want". And whatever they wanted to do, they did, with no regard as to who they might be bothering. And they loved their parties, lots and lots of parties, and it didn't matter if the next day was a work day, they could, and would party all night long. And if I complained about them, then I was the bad guy interfering with their fun that they had to have, and so then they would retaliate against me by throwing things at my trailer or ransacking my lot when I was gone. They had no regard for anyone else's enjoyment of life, and they hated cats - they hated anything that got in their way of their own enjoyment, and some of them were nothing but evil. AND THEIR MUSIC, if it can be called music, is the most horrible stuff I've ever heard -- it had no beat that makes any sense - like monkeys randomly pounding away on something, the tune I was unable to follow, and the singer sounded like he was dying of some kind of ailment - and had a sissy sounding voice, never a deep or masculine voice, and rarely if ever, a female voice - he sort of sounded like he was doing that Britney Spears thing - you know - "not a girl, but not yet a woman", and strangely, he couldn't sing at the same time that accordion or what ever it is was playing - or vice versa - they couldn't play and sing at the same time, and almost every song sounded the same, and sounded like very old music, like maybe some strange music from the fifties. And the low sounding horn or whatever it was that used in the music that was part of the beat, sounded like someone doing a lot of farting. Do mexicans fart a lot? And do they like to hear farting in their music? Why couldn't they play normal music? But they had to bring this weird music with them from Mexico. And they had to play it loud! Like the whole neighborhood wanted to hear it. NO, I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO THAT CRAZY FARTY CRAPPY MUSIC! (Years later when I hear music that has that farting sound in it, I don't like it, even if it's music that I liked in the past.) I heard that the Military in some cases uses loud music to interrogate people. Because music can be used as a weapon. The same with a baseball bat. A baseball bat can be used for fun to play a game, but it can also be used to hurt people. Same with music, and many many times I wanted to pound on that damn mexican's head like he was pounding on mine. They tortured me with that music, and it was like a living Hell. For years the manager would do nothing about it - I had at least as much right to be there as they did. And they had an uncanny way of avoiding the police.

 

 

 

 

 

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Many times I almost lost it and then there might have been some dead mexicans. Many times I would leave home to get away from the mexican music and I would stay away until very late at night hoping that when I got home the music would be off and the mexicans would be in bed asleep. I was paying the rent to be there like everyone else, so why should I be leaving home? But if I did something, I would have been put into prison. I might have narrowly missed spending a lot of time in prison, which is where some of those mexicans should have been, all because no one would stop that damn music and I had enough problems as it was! There was this one guy nearby who liked to play his music so loud that it would be vibrating my trailer, and once in awhile something would come tumbling down inside my trailer. And when it got really bad, was when one of my cats was dying, and I had to suffer not only that, but also some idiot mexican's music. I CAN'T SHUT IT OUT like it seems most people can.

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And while I'm talking about music, anymore I don't like the stupid music they play in the markets: Someone might as well be yelling or screaming in a lot of markets, because that's what they are doing, and to me, that's not singing. Or many times it's someone wailing on and on about something, the whole song is wailing, and that's not singing either. Many times I want to get in and out as soon as I can, sooner than the music melts my brain. And I find it very strange that the reason why they all play music in the markets is because some idiot said that when music is played, people will buy more. It all comes down to stupid greed. The idea is, that music makes people feel better, and when they feel better, they will buy more. But what if the music they play makes people feel worse, such as with me? Once in awhile I ask people in markets what they think of the music and they say "I just tune it out". So if most people seem to tune it out, then why are the markets playing it? Why can't they go for silence, and let people play what they want when they're at home? As long as it's not my home! It's because markets are greedy bastards, that's why. And it also is why they all use THE 9 PRICE LIE. The 9 price lie is used by all the markets to deceive us into thinking that what we are buying costs less than it actually costs. So the markets are lying to us all. Basically all businesses are lying to us all the time. Again it all comes down to greed. What a greedy world it is. The markets keep lying to me, and I don't appreciate being lied to, no one should.

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In a "nutshell"; I've had "tons" of problems, living here in Phoenix for many years, in a crappy trailer with so many holes in it, living with the insects also, having no working toilet, no working furnace, when it rained the water came pouring through the roof, no air conditioning in the trailer or my car, no covered parking, the floor is my bed, my doctor is a hammer, and I keep smelling the sewer, and about the only people living around me were weirdos, my only true friends that I could rely on and the only people I could love, were cats, and strangers kept bothering me!

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And to this day, the only ones of these problems that I don't have, is that I'm not in a trailer anymore, but I've had strange dreams about being in there again, the furnace works, -some of the time, the rain does not come through the roof, have air conditioning in house and car, but who needs it in a car? All the other problems I had while in my trailer continue to have!