The Loneliest Man who Talked to a Tree

Why did the man talk to this tree? It wasn't the greatest tree in the world. But it was well balanced, and seemed more balanced than any human the man had talked to. And it was a nice tree, and it didn't say any absurd thing. And the tree was there, when no one else was. 


So this man would come every so often to talk to this tree. And the tree was a very good listener, at least as good it seemed, than any human was. The man would usually come to the tree being excited about some sort of creation or project the man had been working on, to tell the tree all about it. For he was excited to tell someone about it, but the few people he knew, time after time, very much disappointed him, and one of those people reminded him very much of a tree, particularly the unchanging bark on a tree. The man was very smart, he had many good ideas, he could figure out things that it seemed no on else could, and so wanted to share those ideas with the tree, humans seemed so dodo headed, and the tree did not ask stupid questions and the tree had no problem comprehending because the tree knew nothing. Many times he would here a human say something like; "I don't know nothing", which would mean he did know something, and the man would wonder didn't this man go to school? Didn't he learn anything in school? He would wonder more so because he himself had only a third grade education.


For years the man wasted much time talking and showing his things to this person or that person, thinking that someone would get interested in joining in to help... But no one would. No one was smart enough, or like minded enough, and the man had trouble finding people... So the man mostly gave up on trying to share his projects with humans. Life was difficult for him. 


So the man would come, again and again, telling the tree his ideas, ideas to many perhaps sounding stupid, but the tree did not scoff at what he said. He would also tell the tree what he had recently done, and showed the tree things. And the tree was never busy doing something else or not paying attention. And no one would pay any attention to him, at least no more than anything else he did in his life. But one day, one of those Jesus freaks came to talk, and the man said to the guy: Hey, Jesus doesn't  listen to me any more than a tree, so bug off. 


In the beginning, the man had a bunch of favorite things, and many projects to do. But as time went on, he wasn't able to get anything done, he was poor, had a lot of problems, had no social life, and any "friend" gave him barely any more help than a tree would. He couldn't do it all himself, as no one can. He was totally alone. But he could tell his ideas and troubles to the tree. 


All on his own, with no help from anyone, he figured out a bunch of things. The years went by, and he had forgotten much of it. He kept very poor notes or no notes at all, he had a lot of problems. He started noticing that humans got it backwards. For example, people believe that gravity pulls things down. It seemed to him that gravity pushes, not pulls. And told the tree all about his theory of gravity. And they believe that it is the man's body that determines if a woman is going to have a boy or a girl. But that's not true, it's the woman's body that determines it. If a woman is a Lanky Type, she will tend to have more girls than boys. If she is a Hunky Type, she will tend to have more boys than girls. He makes a list and tells the tree all about it, and tells the tree his list of well known celebrity names by group. And here is the list:

LANKY TYPE: Connie Sellecca, Audrey hepburn, Jessica Alba, Gillian Anderson, Julia Roberts, Emma Roberts. Erin Grey, Kristin Kreuk, Amanda Bynes, Cheryl Cole.

HUNKY TYPE: Raquel Welch, Farrah Fawcett, Madonna, Brooke Shields, Christy Alley, Pamela Sue martin, Anne Hathaway, Miley Cyrus, Amber Tamblyn, Chloe Grace Moretz. But he adds that it's more difficult to know with celebrities and hopes he has not made mistakes, and that it would be best with noncelebrities, because celebrities are not exactly normal people and that there are other factors involved such as if a woman is very active or the opposite, then it reverses what will happen, and that celebrities can do a lot of that depending on if she has a current job or not, and that a lot of them half-starve themselves to keep themselves the star that they are. But tells the tree that he needs to stay with celebrities because people know about them. And so his list of celebrities might not pan out correctly, but says that he knows he's on to something. But as with everything else, nothing ever works out for him. But he was smart, why does nothing ever work? He told the tree all about how stupid humans are, and that he was smarter. He told the tree about the human's stupid belief in the theory of evolution, and that if it was a boat, it would sink in 5 seconds from all the holes in it. And he said that if the Christians weren't so stupid, they would not have allowed the theory of evolution to become predominant. Although, he regarded himself to be a Christian, but a much smarter one. He could go on and on about how humans in general were so very stupid. He told the tree that they are so stupid that if most people started saying that the sky was green, and grass was blue, then most people would believe it. And why would they believe it? They would say; "It must be true because everyone is saying it." He wondered why it seemed that he was much smarter than everyone else. 


He had very ambitious plans and ideas: He loved cats, and so wanted his own tiger. Never got it. He wanted a gyrocopter to fly around in. Never got it. He loved Star Trek and the space ships, and wanted to put together the replicas of them. Never did. He wanted to make neat designs and to design cars. But designing cars is very difficult, and he had no connection to any car company. And by the way, he never had any connection to any one, group, or thing. He did not grow up with computers, hates them and other unreliable electronic devices, the infernal things, and hates the internet, and he doesn't like change. He loved music and wanted to sing and come up with his own songs. But he couldn't become "a singer", he couldn't sing the way most people can, and music remained a mystery to him and he never learned how to read music or play an instrument. He wanted to figure out language, and make a new type of dictionary, a dictionary with which a person could find a word, without knowing how to spell it, because he himself had such trouble spelling words. But that was too much for him. He wanted to own certain very special old cars, and get around in them. But being poor, could not buy any of them. He wanted to make a time machine - and it would work! But he did not have the specifications he needed, and so never got a start on it. He wanted to design and to build a manual drive vehicle (no motor, no fuel needed) that he could do zero to twenty in 4 seconds with, and could cruise at 40 miles per hour. But he couldn't do everything that he wanted. He wanted to design starships, but that is a very difficult job and he had trouble thinking. He wanted to put his own shows on television somehow... But how? He wanted to redesign the wheel - no, really, it would work! He worked on it for weeks making the parts for it. But he had to stop working on it and never restarted. He wanted to do the things that most people said could not be done, they say it because they are stupid, and he knew better. He wanted to get rich with his money in stocks, because he knew it could be done, and his family had no more faith in him than a tree does. But he did not have much money, he had trouble earning it, and then had to start selling his stocks after losing his job. He wanted to publish a book about how to make money with stocks, but he was not making the money, so he could not go ahead with it.  Then he wanted to publish another book, that if published, would have eradicated atheism, and it would have worked, because in the light of the truth, the atheists would have no place to hide. But he could unbelievably find no Christians that were interested in helping. They all stupidly said that The bible is the only book they need, and didn't think about what others need. He wanted to successfully do something! Something in his life! But he could find no one to help. Many years went by. He designed a special screwdriver carry-holder that held a complete set of screwdrivers, because when he wanted one, the one he wanted would not be there. He took a photo of it and sent the photo in to a well known company, and never heard anything from them. He sent several other great ideas to other companies, and never heard anything from them either. Years went by. He at least wanted to build a special box, if that was the only thing he could do sooner than he died, but couldn't get only that done. 


No one would, or could, see his brilliance, brilliance that no one else in the world has, so no one would listen to him, and so he never could get anything done on his own, with the people around him being about as attentive to him as a tree. They all have their own life, their own wants... Not even God would listen to him. So eventually he turned against God and started talking to a tree. The tree never told him that he was doing the wrong thing, or that it can't be done. The tree never made fun of him about what he wanted to do, or told him it was stupid. The tree never looked down on him as a dummy who couldn't do anything because he could not make money. The tree never gave him any trouble, many others did: Stupid humans with their stupid ways of thinking: "Don't try to do things that others do not do". The tree never told him it couldn't be done, or that it is a stupid thing to do. 


Maybe he was trying to do too much. Especially because of all the things he had to suffer with: For many years he showered with the spiders, lived with the cockroaches, slept with ants climbing on his body, had to breathe the dust that was in the air, rain poured through the roof like water from a bucket, he had to live without a working toilet, the floor is his bed, he had terrible tiredness, many pains in his head, pain for years at a time somewhere in his body; his teeth hurt a lot, his neck hurt for many years... The sudden pains in his head would make him jerk, and if he happened to be carrying something heavy, the pain might cause him to fall. 


Most of the time he could not go to a doctor. Once in a while when he did, the doctors did little more for him than a tree, and many times the doctors, being stupid, tried to make it worse for him. Many times he would use a hammer on his head, instead of going to a doctor. But many times he would go into the emergency room, which was the only thing he could afford. Most of the time, the doctors did nothing for him but make him more uncomfortable, and wasted a lot of his time. After a long time, the man got to believing that many doctors should be in prison, or at least their license to be a doctor should be taken away: They check blood pressure and do blood tests, and call that health care. Then when someone suddenly has a bad problem, no one saw it coming. When someone is complaining of having pains, the doctors recommend that that person take a pain drug. How incompetent is that?! That's like sweeping dirt, and sweeping it under a rug. Then when the mound gets large enough, you come walking along and trip over it and fall and break your neck! The pain is there for a reason. It's like coming to a stop light, and covering it up, and then keep on going. Some one is going to get killed. And the man thinks that probably many people have died from taking drugs in this way. The pain is there for a reason, but doctors don't care, they only want to give you drugs. Did his family care? Barely any more than a tree. 


He would come to the tree and tell it all about his few successes and many failures with stocks, and wishing they would go up, and wondering when they would go up, and if they will go up. With the money he had, he tried his best with stocks. The only way he could do anything with stocks, was with a computer. He did not have a computer, so he had to go to the library to use one. Many times he had to wait a long time to use one, the computers worked very poorly, and most of the time the librarians were of little help when it came to the computers. But the point came, when he could come and tell the tree about his great achievements with stocks - Black Arrows (200% or more) and Silver Arrows (400% or more), and a Gold Arrow! (1,000% or more.) Did his family care? No more than a tree. He tried and tried to make money with stocks. But for one reason or another, it wasn't working out. But he did achieve a Purple Arrow! (4,000% OR MORE.) But not making money, strangely. Or he would tell the tree about the great singing job he did, but could not play it for the tree, and that would be silly, wouldn't it? It's bad enough that he's talking to a tree, don't play music! Besides, he doesn't like it when other people play their music out loud. 


After many years, he had to give up on most of what he wanted to do in his life, as time moved on, and past him by. He wanted to live in a starship house with 500 rooms. Not much chance of that. He wanted to have all in one room, a row of all his own starships in special dust-resistant display cases of his own design. He gave up on Star Trek, but continues to love starships, and wanting to do his own show, and hates what Star Trek has become.  He had to mostly give up on girlfriends also, seeing that he never had one, and so therefore never coming within a million miles of getting married or having children. Many times seeing couples with children would irritate him, only reminding him of what he cannot have himself. In the Bible it says that it is not good for man to be alone. So He made woman. So why is the man alone? Where is the woman for the man? Many times when the man sees an attractive woman, it makes him sad, or angry. In this world of billions of women, the man cannot find a woman for him. The man must have a woman, to have children of his own. The man thinks it strange that the government gives out free condoms, but does not help a person to get a partner. But the man does not know what to say to a woman. Women are different. They don't like what the man likes. The man cannot relate to women. The woman does not want the same thing as what the man wants. And so the man does not know what to do with a woman. Most of this difference relates to the man wanting to have sex, but the woman does not. After all, why a woman rather than another man? But what's so very difficult, is that the woman doesn't have a clue. Another great difference between women and the man, is that they don't eat out of jars and cans, they must mix their food all together to eat it, and they drink coffee all the time, and they eat salad and salad dressing, yuck! Also, he doesn't eat at restaurants, he's too poor for that. Also he found it difficult to be with most people, because he cannot relate to them, anymore than they can relate to him. He doesn't like to be with the stupid ones, the people who use foul language, who smoke and drinks liquor and does drugs, and other dumb things. But he very much wanted girlfriends, at least one! But they all past him by, the same as life past him by. When he was younger and maybe a bit handsome, they past him by. When he got older, they past him by. Some women put artificial boogers in her nose, at least that's what it seems like at first. Some put a ring in her nose, like a man puts a ring in a cow's nose, to make it easier to make the cow do what he wants. 


As the years went by, the woman that he might want, would see him as just an old man. Eventually he had to conclude that there is no woman in this world for him; no one that he could get along with, no one smart enough, no one he could relate to, or could relate to him. Some people get a doll, and talk to that. But dolls cost money, and how would it be any better than a tree, and trees are free. Are trees loveable? Carl Sagan thought so. The point came in the man's life that he became aware that it's entirely possible for a man to live out his entire life without ever having a girlfriend. He started getting to the point of "why bother" with trying to get a girlfriend. And how is one woman any better than another? If the man had a choice, why pick one over another? And the man has gone most of his life alone, so why would he need a woman now? And they would cost money, and maybe cause trouble, and the man has no income, and he really didn't know how to be a boyfriend anyway, having never been one. Life was a struggle, many days he was barely getting by, some days he had trouble keeping himself together. Other than the obvious problems, the man wondered why it was that it seemed that he could never finish anything. Perhaps it was that deep down he knew that at the end, he would not be able to do anything with it, being all alone without help: He could make the most fantastic thing, and no one to show it to, but the tree. 


The man began thinking, if the man had been a woman, "his" life would have been totally different. Even if "he" was not pretty, being as horny as guys are, "he" would have had boyfriends. Women have no idea what it's like to have a sex drive! This is the reason that men generally don't live as long as women, because men must suffer with a sex drive. Women think they have a boyfriend because it was what they wanted. No, it's what he wanted! Try saying no to them! This is how they are all spoken for, the men get them, but makes it seem like it was her idea. But for the man, he is mostly ignored, in favor of some goofy faced guy such as Ben Affleck. But he couldn't get along with most women, so sour grapes. In desperation, the man began wishing that he had been a female from the beginning so that he would not have had a sex drive. Women don't have a clue. A pretty woman has everything! Men have an ugly bunch between his legs, wanting, wanting, wanting... Between her legs, women are free! 


Through the years, nothing was working. But the man had a lot of talent. But how to get the word out? In desperation, the man decided that he had to have a website. Some website people thought it was strange that he wanted a website when he did not have a computer. In trying to get his website, one by one, all 5 people that he paid to make his website, did him wrong. But by the fifth guy, he had a website. And he had 3 websites. Then it was only him, But when he was trying to work on his website himself, all the libraries closed. So he could do nothing with his websites for a long time. So then he came to another point of desperation, and bought a computer. Now able to work on his website himself-barely. He worked and worked and worked on it. Nothing that he could do was working. Again, he didn't know enough, and got no help. He put signs on his car. Nothing worked. The tree could not help. Websites are not going to work, what else can he do? 


One of his most favorite things and ideas that he did not want to give up on, was a toy car. Not only a toy car, but a group of toy cars. He worked on designing the "first" one for years. He would come to the tree and show the drawings that he'd made. All of them failures, as his whole life has been a failure. But the tree said nothing. Others said; What a dumb name - "Block Sledge", you should come up with a more pleasant sounding name. They could never comprehend what the man tries to do. And he's not going to try to explain it to an inferior mind, even though they see themselves as superior to the man because they can make money, and the man can't. The tree said nothing. As the years went on, one of their "good" ideas was that the man should make his Block Sledge into a puzzle, seeing that it was such a simple unadorned design anyway.  They thought they knew what the man was doing. They will never comprehend. The tree doesn't need to. And the tree doesn't laugh at his ideas. 


The man struggled on, trying to keep himself alive and to get something done, something important. 


Then after 24 years, and many drawings, success!!! The man was able to make a successful prototype that was better than he could have imagined! Although it had no wheels yet. (In a way, he was fortunate that he did not use any computer in the designing process. So he did not do it stupidly as those people who use a computer to design things do. And he was lucky.) The man excitedly showed it to his tree. Although, maybe he should not have, seeing that his toy cars are made of wood, and that trees need to be cut down to make them. But what does a tree think? The tree said nothing. 


Then the man excitedly showed it to his Mother  - "Success after all these years!" And the man's enthusiasm was squash when the only thing she said was; "But it's not finished, it doesn't have wheels on it". Oh yeah, those round things that roll! Anyone can design a wheel for a toy car, they're simply round! The man is the only person in the world who can design a Block Sledge, having to adhere to very strict rules (Or so he thought).  


The man tried to get someone interested in his Block Sledge and he went on to design some other toy cars in the group, and an airplane! And had great success making his new toys! Although it was difficult, and getting more and more so, as he thought of more and more and greater and greater possibilities for his group of toy cars, no, more than toy cars, he could do airplanes and helicopters! It was becoming more and more overwhelming, and no one was giving him any encouragement or help, and not the tree either. The man was told a crazy idea; send his prototype to a toy company. To put all that work into a thing that no one else in the world could do, and then give it to idiots who would care nothing for it and not appreciate it and that he would never see it again. At least the tree doesn't come up with stupid ideas. 


Many more years went by. The man struggled on, somehow keeping himself alive. Although by now, he's an old man, and there's not much life in him anymore, and doing anything is becoming increasingly difficult. The man wonders if it's possible to die of loneliness. 


The man never able to get anyone interested in anything. He began crying a lot. The years went by. Had some great success with a new way to design starships. But again, same old problem. No good friends, no girlfriends, family that cares as much as a tree does. The tree said nothing. Time goes by. 


At this point, there's only a few things that the man has not given up on. What makes it worse, is that the man has discovered that the world really is passing him by; with "cheap knockoffs" of his ideas: Of all the multitude of toy cars that people have made out of wood, here is a company that is making block sledges. Not nearly as well designed as the man's Block Sledge, because they used a computer, and they aren't nearly as smart as the man, and didn't put anywhere near the thought into them, but they are block sledges. They don't call them that of course... In desperation, the man is trying to manufacture hand made Block Sledges out of exotic woods. But working with exotic hard woods is much more difficult than ordinary woods. 


The man beginning to lose his ability to enjoy anything... and the man hopes that he does not sink so low as to want a cockroach as a pet.